Searching for Alaska.

I love to read, as a matter of fact i love to write i just am not very good at it.

Looking For Alaska is fascinating little book from John Green, it follows the tale of a group of friends in a boarding school.

Im not going to go rattling through the story, the pros and cons of the story, the emotional turmoil i felt, although i did feel sick to my stomach (in a totally good way)

what this book does for me is show a real, honest and genuine look on how one person can have such a influence on you, through attraction, friendship or adventure.

it shows the awkwardness of relationships, the irrational fear of teachers, the heartbreaks of loss and the damage the same person who can bring you just as much joy.

bottom line?

Buy this book. It will be one for the history books.

who are you?

This is going to be an deep so stay with me on this one.

Who are you? 

We could go down a deep and long road about self confidence and being true to yourself.

But that's not what this is about.

This is inspired by this blog 

http://jesscleaves.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/everyone-has-their-own-doctor-who.html

Everyone has their own doctor, 

Everyone has relationships that boils down to that person being:

A Savior, 

A Guardian Angel, 

A Nemesis, 

A Brother, 

A Sister, 

A Companion, 

A Guardian or Protector

A Enemy 

A Rival (this doesn't always have negative aspects to the relationship)

A Hero 

A Villain

A Jester 

A Wizard

There are many more i could name. 

Human beings always consider and evaluate these people, care about the people they love hate the people who hurt them. But rarely think. what am i to these people.

I am clumsy, reckless, and caring. This means i take a great deal of time looking after i care about but i have risked myself more times then i care to count, it is not some, I sacrifice myself for my friends, its a ill push my luck. 

one night a few years ago i was riding my motorbike home after a night out at a family friends house, in France. It was dark, foggy and on country roads with high hedgerows. I had been riding my motorcycle for little over a month and it was impossible to see where any junctions were because despite it being a "main road" in rural France? there is no street lights, just my single headlight and the distant brake lights of my parents car in the distance (I was trying to follow them home)

Now I have no reasonable explanation of what happened next, i heard a noise, a shout/scream i don't know what. But the shock of what i heard forced me to slam to a halt. The cold of the night pierced through me for the three seconds of silence followed by the roar of a lorry as it blasted past a junction unseen through the fog mere feet away from me. i was terrified, as i rode the remainder of the way home.

I don't know why that happened. but i can name of people on my left hand who called me in tears because they had nightmares of me being hurt even dead. There was a connection of some sort with them.

I always have no fear when about to do something that could be potential dangerous because till recently, genuinely believed i was made for something bigger, or even to do something great. 

Im not sure anymore. 

I hope to be peoples Doctor, Guardian Angel, Protector, Jester, Companion.

To others,

Im the enemy. Villain.

And i hope one day ill become the hero.

So i ask all these brilliant people who read this, comment. What am i to you? or more importantly.

Who Are You? 

To Others?

The wall...

...of kingdoms.

Actually its the wall of my bedroom, but Wall Of Kingdoms Sounds like much cooler. 

My Wall.

This Wall has many different things on it, the rule is I'm not suppose to spend any money in shops to purchase items that then go directly onto the wall.

This means either i haven paid for the posters myself and bought for me or that they have been free.

I appreciate friends giving me things as a "memento" that represents them or us as a relationship. 

There are a few "loopholes" 

I can buy material to make something to go onto the wall. 

My Paintings For Example

Now the memento's are often triggers that then represent someone or a certain day.

Like A Day At A Gallery

Or A Double Feature With An Old Friend

Other Times its something of importance or significance like a acceptance letter confirming i have passed my first year or university. i also have my first piece of post from living here, some mementos of old dates, places I've been, people I've met.

Other times its just stuff i liked, or from old friends or new friends or just generally STUFF.

The Most Important part of this wall is its me. Who i am and who matters to me, what matters to me. 

Its Me.

I love it when...

New people follow my blog i dont know why but i feel slightly all warm a fuzzy inside!


so here's too http://graciel0u.blogspot.co.uk/ !

a new follower who seems to have a cool blog so check it out!

my dating life : Katherine (Vampy) (ii)

My first kiss I was about 12 or 13 and it was with a girl called Katherine.

Now the relationship, after a year and a half after my failed attempt at the dating thing I was still good friends with Ginge and I made my first fundamental mistake, I told this girl, Ginge, that I had a crush on another girl, Katherine, who is Ginge’s friend. It happened while I was getting my science book out of my locker, I had a double science lesson with my favourite teacher and was in a good mood and probably why I was foolish enough to tell a girl such information. I was only aware of my mistake when I removed myself from my locker looked up the corridor and saw the flash of orange as she belted through the door at the end.

Now I’m just stood blankly while Paul leant up against the lockers looked at me and I will never forget his reaction.

He pulled out his stopwatch on his phone and said:

“I give it 20 minutes”

At this point I still didn’t really understand what that meant or what was going on. 

And it only took 12 minutes.

Minute 1

With Paul in tow giving my minute by minute updates on the time I went onto the school field and suddenly everything went into slow-motion.

Minute 3

DB was doing an open legged slide tackle into a goal post in what can truly be described as a painful neutering technique.

Paul was sneezing with a Twix in his hand and was trying to cover has face and resulting in shoving the Twix up his nose.

A short blond kid called Kyle was being taped to a post.

And Ginge was talking to Katherine.

In an average break time these events filled with many different, odd and brilliant things but these where all fundamental in what happened next.

Minute 5

I flat out panicked and tried to run. I turned on my heels my floppy hair in my eyes and ran, straight into Paul, as he is much taller than me I winded him and he keeled over Twix in nose and jabbed my eye with the violent bar of caramel goodness.

Doubling back blinded my feet got caught up in the remaining tape left on the floor after the Kyle hostage taking. And tripped onto the floor.

At which point a shuffling DB covering himself and vision compromised by his tears he fell onto me pinning me and initiating the school ritual of “dog piling”

Minute 10

5 minutes had passed while I relieved myself from the dog pile and got my bearings, Ginge had finished her conversation with the girl I was crushing on and there my crush was walking towards me.

We have talked about that day since and she sheepishly admitted to me that she couldn’t remember me before this point and at this point is when I made my first mind clearing epiphany. I was red eyed, bruised, sweaty, dishevelled, all thanks to the dog pile. And I wasn’t going to get the girl. Why would she even look at me like anything more than the scrawny geek? When this pretty brunette, who later became a beautiful women would ever give me the time of day I wouldn’t know.

So I relaxed. My thoughts calm and I smiled and actually said “Hey! Would you like to go to the cinema?” and she twiddled her bracelets and said clear as day, “sure what time”.

So 14 years old and I had a date. I was so excited I almost saved my friend Kyle if throwing grapes at him wouldn’t have been so much fun. Sat in lessons for the rest of the days I was incredibly happy and I had no idea why, but it was brilliant.

Having learnt my mistakes from my first date, when I leant in for the first kiss I actually managed to without my date needing an eye patch due to my custom built nose-rocket.

3 months passed and we went to the cinema, the beach, met each other’s parents, (an event that is more daunting for older people rather than when you’re 14 or so)

But a small peck for a kiss was all people my age were capable of doing, only those older or in a relationship for a longer time were known for dong more. In schools when it comes to first times for anything we look upon our friends and peers to guide or advise each other.

One girl (Roz) who was Katherine’s friend had been with her boyfriend for the best part of a year, to Katherine she was an advisor as much as a friend, the pioneer of our teens. We all attended one of the girl’s in our year 15th birthday.  While at this party we spoke to Roz and she asked if we had “kissed kissed”, when referring to relationships there is some odd ability to increase the seriousness or intensity of anything from kissing to actually finding someone attractive by repeating a word, “do you like like them?” for example.

I and Katherine were dumbfounded, we hadn’t really discussed it. We were both not exactly very good at talking and this was the longest relationship either of us actually had had; we both left that party a little awkward but with plans to go to town for a day together anyway.

She asked me to meet her on the beach next to a bandstand our town had, we sat on the beach for what felt like an age, both too embarrassed to say anything but suddenly all that awkwardness went anyway and that day in the sun of Eastbourne’s beaches next to its infamous bandstand, I had my first kiss. It was the first time I felt actually good at being in a relationship, and that was one of the best experiences of my life, I’d never felt anything like it.  

She went on to become my first love, and my first broken heart.

Today is national best friend day.

I have so many people to thank I cannot say it to all of them. 

Grace

Alex

Alex 

Jj

Lee

Alex again (I know a few of these)

Imy 

Kat 

Aimee

Izzy

Kiri

Vicky 

Elliott

Jess

Lydia 

Holly 

Mica

Paul

Andy

Marco

Pal

Haze

Lee

Pikey

Froob

I tried to do it sensibly by going around the areas of the country I have lived in.

SUCCESS.