Searching for Alaska.

I love to read, as a matter of fact i love to write i just am not very good at it.

Looking For Alaska is fascinating little book from John Green, it follows the tale of a group of friends in a boarding school.

Im not going to go rattling through the story, the pros and cons of the story, the emotional turmoil i felt, although i did feel sick to my stomach (in a totally good way)

what this book does for me is show a real, honest and genuine look on how one person can have such a influence on you, through attraction, friendship or adventure.

it shows the awkwardness of relationships, the irrational fear of teachers, the heartbreaks of loss and the damage the same person who can bring you just as much joy.

bottom line?

Buy this book. It will be one for the history books.

The wall...

...of kingdoms.

Actually its the wall of my bedroom, but Wall Of Kingdoms Sounds like much cooler. 

My Wall.

This Wall has many different things on it, the rule is I'm not suppose to spend any money in shops to purchase items that then go directly onto the wall.

This means either i haven paid for the posters myself and bought for me or that they have been free.

I appreciate friends giving me things as a "memento" that represents them or us as a relationship. 

There are a few "loopholes" 

I can buy material to make something to go onto the wall. 

My Paintings For Example

Now the memento's are often triggers that then represent someone or a certain day.

Like A Day At A Gallery

Or A Double Feature With An Old Friend

Other Times its something of importance or significance like a acceptance letter confirming i have passed my first year or university. i also have my first piece of post from living here, some mementos of old dates, places I've been, people I've met.

Other times its just stuff i liked, or from old friends or new friends or just generally STUFF.

The Most Important part of this wall is its me. Who i am and who matters to me, what matters to me. 

Its Me.

my dating life : Katherine (Vampy) (ii)

My first kiss I was about 12 or 13 and it was with a girl called Katherine.

Now the relationship, after a year and a half after my failed attempt at the dating thing I was still good friends with Ginge and I made my first fundamental mistake, I told this girl, Ginge, that I had a crush on another girl, Katherine, who is Ginge’s friend. It happened while I was getting my science book out of my locker, I had a double science lesson with my favourite teacher and was in a good mood and probably why I was foolish enough to tell a girl such information. I was only aware of my mistake when I removed myself from my locker looked up the corridor and saw the flash of orange as she belted through the door at the end.

Now I’m just stood blankly while Paul leant up against the lockers looked at me and I will never forget his reaction.

He pulled out his stopwatch on his phone and said:

“I give it 20 minutes”

At this point I still didn’t really understand what that meant or what was going on. 

And it only took 12 minutes.

Minute 1

With Paul in tow giving my minute by minute updates on the time I went onto the school field and suddenly everything went into slow-motion.

Minute 3

DB was doing an open legged slide tackle into a goal post in what can truly be described as a painful neutering technique.

Paul was sneezing with a Twix in his hand and was trying to cover has face and resulting in shoving the Twix up his nose.

A short blond kid called Kyle was being taped to a post.

And Ginge was talking to Katherine.

In an average break time these events filled with many different, odd and brilliant things but these where all fundamental in what happened next.

Minute 5

I flat out panicked and tried to run. I turned on my heels my floppy hair in my eyes and ran, straight into Paul, as he is much taller than me I winded him and he keeled over Twix in nose and jabbed my eye with the violent bar of caramel goodness.

Doubling back blinded my feet got caught up in the remaining tape left on the floor after the Kyle hostage taking. And tripped onto the floor.

At which point a shuffling DB covering himself and vision compromised by his tears he fell onto me pinning me and initiating the school ritual of “dog piling”

Minute 10

5 minutes had passed while I relieved myself from the dog pile and got my bearings, Ginge had finished her conversation with the girl I was crushing on and there my crush was walking towards me.

We have talked about that day since and she sheepishly admitted to me that she couldn’t remember me before this point and at this point is when I made my first mind clearing epiphany. I was red eyed, bruised, sweaty, dishevelled, all thanks to the dog pile. And I wasn’t going to get the girl. Why would she even look at me like anything more than the scrawny geek? When this pretty brunette, who later became a beautiful women would ever give me the time of day I wouldn’t know.

So I relaxed. My thoughts calm and I smiled and actually said “Hey! Would you like to go to the cinema?” and she twiddled her bracelets and said clear as day, “sure what time”.

So 14 years old and I had a date. I was so excited I almost saved my friend Kyle if throwing grapes at him wouldn’t have been so much fun. Sat in lessons for the rest of the days I was incredibly happy and I had no idea why, but it was brilliant.

Having learnt my mistakes from my first date, when I leant in for the first kiss I actually managed to without my date needing an eye patch due to my custom built nose-rocket.

3 months passed and we went to the cinema, the beach, met each other’s parents, (an event that is more daunting for older people rather than when you’re 14 or so)

But a small peck for a kiss was all people my age were capable of doing, only those older or in a relationship for a longer time were known for dong more. In schools when it comes to first times for anything we look upon our friends and peers to guide or advise each other.

One girl (Roz) who was Katherine’s friend had been with her boyfriend for the best part of a year, to Katherine she was an advisor as much as a friend, the pioneer of our teens. We all attended one of the girl’s in our year 15th birthday.  While at this party we spoke to Roz and she asked if we had “kissed kissed”, when referring to relationships there is some odd ability to increase the seriousness or intensity of anything from kissing to actually finding someone attractive by repeating a word, “do you like like them?” for example.

I and Katherine were dumbfounded, we hadn’t really discussed it. We were both not exactly very good at talking and this was the longest relationship either of us actually had had; we both left that party a little awkward but with plans to go to town for a day together anyway.

She asked me to meet her on the beach next to a bandstand our town had, we sat on the beach for what felt like an age, both too embarrassed to say anything but suddenly all that awkwardness went anyway and that day in the sun of Eastbourne’s beaches next to its infamous bandstand, I had my first kiss. It was the first time I felt actually good at being in a relationship, and that was one of the best experiences of my life, I’d never felt anything like it.  

She went on to become my first love, and my first broken heart.

My dating life: ginge (i)

Class dismissed.

Ginge.

My first ever genuine date was when I was thirteen years old. I was short, messy-haired and a bit on the chubby side as my body was storing energy for what my mum kept referring too as the well overdue growth spurt. I had recently moved schools and not really had that much luck making friends with boys let alone girls; however, I remember the exact moment when I found myself blushing bright red – similar to the red of the cute freckled girl’s hair that had at that moment plucked up the courage to tell me that she liked me. (i say she did it, she plucked up the courage to ask her best friend to ask me out).  

Now this for all intensive purposes is what was considered “asking out” at this age, the childish concept of asking a neutral third party to complete a task on behalf of the initiating party (in this case, Ginge) granted this is still used now via the use of texting someone to ask them out but for the point of this chapter Elleesha Phillips will be referred to as Samsung as in this story they both have the same role...

If I remember correctly I was stood in line outside my PSHE classroom (which we then called RE) and all three of us were about to go inside. By “three” I mean me, Ginge and Samsung. In the blur of the moment I casually flashed a cheeky smile, saying that I’d meet her at the cinema at four pm for the movie and I’ll get her a lift home, it couldn’t be much later, as I was thirteen and I had a curfew plus my mum would probably drop me off and pick me up in the evening again...

...At least that is what I thought happened; in reality I blushed even more, panicked, screamed “YES!” and bolted into my classroom, tripping over my own two feet before face planting my desk and consequently knocking myself out. Thankfully my best friend heaved me into my seat and asked me “what the hell are you so scared of agreeing to do?”  ginge and her friends on the other  hand were vibrating giggling. I could put this down to two reasons: Ginge was having some form of panic-induced stroke or Samsung was on vibrate.

Three hours later, when I sat down after an “intense” game of football (that was how I spent most of my lunchtimes at this age), my friends actually pointed out to me I now had a girlfriend. This startling revelation caused me to choke so hard on my apple juice that my Pokémon cards fell out of my pocket.

I had a girlfriend. What did that mean? Well from what Tracy Beaker, Fairly Odd Parents, Power Rangers and Kenan and Kel taught me, you go to the cinema together and do this thing called “kissing”.  I discussed this with my two closest friends, DB and Sander. DB had a girlfriend nicknamed Vampy, and Sander had never had one. Thus, the dumb led the blind as we had this conversation.

Me: I have a girlfriend...

DB & Paul: Yes.

Me: What do I do?

DB: Hold her hand, give her hugs, occasionally kiss...

Me: WHAT?! I don’t know how to do that!

Paul: I’m sure it’s OK. Come on, people kiss all the time!

Me: KISS?! STUFF THAT, LETS SORT OUT THIS HUGGING THING FIRST!

Now every young boy goes through this phase, because to them the concepts of hugging and kisses on the cheek are associated with mums, grandmothers and aunts – because let’s face it, they are not considered girls. (Sorry mum) That night I went onto my dad’s computer and began some lengthy research into one point that I wanted to make sure was not going to be an issue for me: Cooties.

Fortunately I found it to be a fake disease, and that you couldn’t catch any disease from having a girlfriend. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my dad for enabling the safety settings on the family computer. Thirteen year-old me would have definitely jumped off a bridge if my research had yielded results explaining STI’s.   

We were having one of those great first dates you can only have when it’s not an actual date

The dating game for 12/13 years olds starts in the same way for any age group, the causal date in an easy going activity to gauge the other person and decide if they are actually worth the time money or affection to pursue a relationship. That’s why the first date has 5 key stages to it

1) The event or the activity

2) First Impression

3) Finances

4) Behaviour on the Date

5) Saying goodnight.

After briefly explaining each section I’ll then explain in italics what exactly I did on this first date

Starting out it is sensible to decide what to do for the first date, more often than not it is recommended to have a causal date, something nice enjoyable but nothing too intimate if nerves get the better of you double dating with another existing couple can really lighten the room and take pressure of the “first date” (a technique I used to help out with some of my more anxious friends when they had dates coming up.) something like a trip to the arcade, the cinema (possibly even coffee if you already have sufficient to talk to about to the other person) if choosing the cinema double dates still work and the film of choice should chosen entirely on both interesting for both you and this other person and sorry guys if you’re really unhappy bite the bullet and go see the star filled room com or the tear-jerking death film of love, just see something that both of you would enjoy.

On my first date I was too scared to go on my own and DB kindly volunteered to come on a double date with us, however his girlfriend invited her best friend and she invited the rest of that girl group of friends and before long. The double date of four, expanded to a still causal but slightly less intimate number of 24. We filled up two rows of cinema seats. The only film everyone could agree to go and see was X-men The Last Stand and it was pretty poor.

The first impression of screaming yes extremely loudly, running away, tripping and finally face-planting into my desk wasn’t exactly unpleasant but by all means was pretty sure it was bad. And that Ginge remembered it. The way you look and dress on the first date isn’t a big deal on the long run and it is necessary to dress according to your own style and how you appeared to be when you asked out your date, don’t turn up as some skater grudger if you normally wear polo shirts and vice versa, BE YOURSELF AND DONT TRY TO HARD

 I tried too hard.

 I was a geeky teen, quite awkward and at best dressing up for me was a t shirt and jeans (most probably bought by my mum) and it might have some cartoon character, videogame character or a potential funny quote. This evening I had chosen to wear a silk shirt (I think I bought it specially) and used quite a great deal of hair gel.

I’m actually not telling the truth. To save money to able to pay for me and Ginge, I rode my mountain bike there, and as I had a curfew, I hadn’t got time to go home and change. Thus meaning I arrived breathless with my school uniform clung to my sweat drenched weedy nerd body. My vision was compromised and i can safely say i think she looked stunning.

Finances

Keeping it short it’s much cooler to pay for both of you.

I did. Bonus Point for me.

 Sweet.

4) Behaviour on the Date

Now me and Ginge and the now 23 people all piled into the cinema to enjoy what should be considered a romantic comedy it is important to choose to see a film that is appropriate to the relationship and the atmosphere of the date. We saw X-men. Watching the film it is nice and sensible to be romantic, hold hands, be smooth and be calm. I did two out of three, and I’m not smooth or calm even now.  About midway through the film I turned to stare into her eyes and told her that her eyes were as deep and brown as an autumn forest. Over the sounds of wolverine killing other mutants my chat up line came across along the muffled lines of “mammy forest mmm”  I calmly lent over in order to kiss her, both of us held our breath as we began to lean closer, our eyes locked as we both held our breath getting closer and closer our hearts racing and not being able to hold ourselves anymore we both went to kiss at the same time.

And I poked her in the eye.

In theory everything was perfect except for the fact that I was about an inch to high up, and a little to the left I kissed her cheek and my nose missile hit her squarely in the eye.  As reading this  will tell you I’m not some guru in dating or how to behave around girls but I am pretty sure that a girl crying involuntary from one eye because you stabbed it with your nose isn’t very good.  Needless to say that was our only “date” after which she dumped me as she didn’t feel it was working.