Class dismissed.
Ginge.
My first ever
genuine date was when I was thirteen years old. I was short, messy-haired and a
bit on the chubby side as my body was storing energy for what my mum kept
referring too as the well overdue growth spurt. I had recently moved schools
and not really had that much luck making friends with boys let alone girls;
however, I remember the exact moment when I found myself blushing bright red –
similar to the red of the cute freckled girl’s hair that had at that moment
plucked up the courage to tell me that she liked me. (i say she did it, she
plucked up the courage to ask her best friend to ask me out).
Now this for
all intensive purposes is what was considered “asking out” at this age, the
childish concept of asking a neutral third party to complete a task on behalf
of the initiating party (in this case, Ginge) granted this is still used now
via the use of texting someone to ask them out but for the point of this
chapter Elleesha Phillips will be referred to as Samsung as in this story they
both have the same role...
If I remember
correctly I was stood in line outside my PSHE classroom (which we then called
RE) and all three of us were about to go inside. By “three” I mean me, Ginge and
Samsung. In the blur of the moment I casually flashed a cheeky smile, saying
that I’d meet her at the cinema at four pm for the movie and I’ll get her a
lift home, it couldn’t be much later, as I was thirteen and I had a curfew plus
my mum would probably drop me off and pick me up in the evening again...
...At least
that is what I thought happened; in reality I blushed even more, panicked,
screamed “YES!” and bolted into my classroom, tripping over my own two feet
before face planting my desk and consequently knocking myself out. Thankfully
my best friend heaved me into my seat and asked me “what the hell are you so
scared of agreeing to do?” ginge and her
friends on the other hand were vibrating
giggling. I could put this down to two reasons: Ginge was having some form of
panic-induced stroke or Samsung was on vibrate.
Three hours
later, when I sat down after an “intense” game of football (that was how I
spent most of my lunchtimes at this age), my friends actually pointed out to me
I now had a girlfriend. This startling revelation caused me to choke so hard on
my apple juice that my Pokémon cards fell out of my pocket.
I had a
girlfriend. What did that mean? Well from what Tracy Beaker, Fairly Odd
Parents, Power Rangers and Kenan and Kel taught me, you go to the cinema
together and do this thing called “kissing”. I discussed this with my two closest friends,
DB and Sander. DB had a girlfriend nicknamed Vampy, and Sander had never had
one. Thus, the dumb led the blind as we had this conversation.
Me: I have a
girlfriend...
DB & Paul:
Yes.
Me: What do I
do?
DB: Hold her
hand, give her hugs, occasionally kiss...
Me: WHAT?! I
don’t know how to do that!
Paul: I’m sure
it’s OK. Come on, people kiss all the time!
Me: KISS?!
STUFF THAT, LETS SORT OUT THIS HUGGING THING FIRST!
Now every young boy goes through
this phase, because to them the concepts of hugging and kisses on the cheek are
associated with mums, grandmothers and aunts – because let’s face it, they are
not considered girls. (Sorry mum) That night I went onto my dad’s computer and
began some lengthy research into one point that I wanted to make sure was not
going to be an issue for me: Cooties.
Fortunately I
found it to be a fake disease, and that you couldn’t catch any disease from
having a girlfriend. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my dad for
enabling the safety settings on the family computer. Thirteen year-old me would
have definitely jumped off a bridge if my research had yielded results
explaining STI’s.
We were
having one of those great first dates you can only have when it’s not an actual
date
The dating
game for 12/13 years olds starts in the same way for any age group, the causal
date in an easy going activity to gauge the other person and decide if they are
actually worth the time money or affection to pursue a relationship. That’s why
the first date has 5 key stages to it
1) The event or the activity
2) First Impression
3) Finances
4) Behaviour on the Date
5) Saying goodnight.
After briefly explaining each
section I’ll then explain in italics what
exactly I did on this first date
Starting out it is sensible to
decide what to do for the first date, more often than not it is recommended to
have a causal date, something nice
enjoyable but nothing too intimate if nerves get the better of you double
dating with another existing couple can really lighten the room and take
pressure of the “first date” (a technique I used to help out with some of my
more anxious friends when they had dates coming up.) something like a trip to
the arcade, the cinema (possibly even coffee if you already have sufficient to
talk to about to the other person) if choosing the cinema double dates still
work and the film of choice should chosen entirely on both interesting for both
you and this other person and sorry guys if you’re really unhappy bite the
bullet and go see the star filled room com or the tear-jerking death film of
love, just see something that both of you would enjoy.
On my first date I was too scared to go on my own and DB kindly
volunteered to come on a double date with us, however his girlfriend invited
her best friend and she invited the rest of that girl group of friends and
before long. The double date of four, expanded to a still causal but slightly
less intimate number of 24. We filled up two rows of cinema seats. The only
film everyone could agree to go and see was X-men The Last Stand and it was
pretty poor.
The first impression of screaming yes extremely loudly,
running away, tripping and finally face-planting into my desk wasn’t exactly unpleasant
but by all means was pretty sure it was bad. And that Ginge remembered it. The
way you look and dress on the first date isn’t a big deal on the long run and
it is necessary to dress according to your own style and how you appeared to be
when you asked out your date, don’t turn up as some skater grudger if you
normally wear polo shirts and vice versa, BE YOURSELF AND DONT TRY TO HARD
I tried too hard.
I was a geeky teen, quite
awkward and at best dressing up for me was a t shirt and jeans (most probably
bought by my mum) and it might have some cartoon character, videogame character
or a potential funny quote. This evening I had chosen to wear a silk shirt (I
think I bought it specially) and used quite a great deal of hair gel.
I’m actually not telling the
truth. To save money to able to pay for me and Ginge, I rode my mountain bike
there, and as I had a curfew, I hadn’t got time to go home and change. Thus
meaning I arrived breathless with my school uniform clung to my sweat drenched
weedy nerd body. My vision was compromised and i can safely say i think she
looked stunning.
Finances
Keeping it short it’s much cooler
to pay for both of you.
I did. Bonus Point for me.
Sweet.
4) Behaviour on the Date
Now me and Ginge and the now 23
people all piled into the cinema to enjoy what should be considered a romantic
comedy it is important to choose to see a film that is appropriate to the
relationship and the atmosphere of the date. We saw X-men. Watching the film it is nice and sensible to be
romantic, hold hands, be smooth and be calm. I did two out of three, and I’m
not smooth or calm even now. About
midway through the film I turned to stare into her eyes and told her that her
eyes were as deep and brown as an autumn forest. Over the sounds of wolverine killing other mutants my chat up line came
across along the muffled lines of “mammy forest mmm” I calmly lent over in order to kiss her, both
of us held our breath as we began to lean closer, our eyes locked as we both held
our breath getting closer and closer our hearts racing and not being able to
hold ourselves anymore we both went to kiss at the same time.
And I poked her in the eye.
In theory everything was perfect
except for the fact that I was about an inch to high up, and a little to the
left I kissed her cheek and my nose missile hit her squarely in the eye. As reading this will tell you I’m not some guru in dating or
how to behave around girls but I am pretty sure that a girl crying involuntary
from one eye because you stabbed it with your nose isn’t very good. Needless to say that was our only “date”
after which she dumped me as she didn’t feel it was working.
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