SO

I have probably lost my summer job to my ex her brother and her bf.

i have the bare scratchings of money to live off.
i want to do some great stuff next year.


I'm off to buy a lottery ticket. its my best chance.

well that Escalated

one of the good guys back in kent had been with his gf for 4 years when she choose to end it this morning before they both went to work.

he in short is distraught, he can barely think he hurts and i have never heard him so emotional as he is right now.

he loves at home with his mum and attends the same university as his now ex.

they both were best friends and i thought were the only relationship that would survive the university change of life. i thought they would survive as they both were intellectually the same emotionally and perosnality wise, they just meshed perfectly.


a few weeks ago i had a conversation with the (now) ex and she asked me alot of questions about my break up with my ex as she asked, how did you know? What did you think about the time you had spent together? were you scared to waste it? i just said i did what was right for both of us and decided that it wasnt wasted but staying together wen i didnt feel the same was going to be wasted.

three weeks later after the holidays are out the way (they both have never traditionally celebrated new years massively) they have broken up. i am not saying its my fault.

but for His sake i hope i wasnt what pushed her over the edge.
because she is copying what i did word for word, action for action.

And I can see how it hurts.
Sorry Tash.

Lets Have a Update.

one of my best friends (or actually my best friend but if you tell her ill kill you) has started a blog! Its brilliant!
I've been ill for nearly 2 days now and have spent it texting this new found blogger for over a day (shes kept me sane)

ive seen three good films (for the first time) in total its been like 5 (8 films)

The Raid: a martial arts action film made up of nearly 80 asians beating the shit out each other,

The Remake of Total Recall: i prefer the orginal but this remake is on a new scale of good.

Friends with Kids: Flat out parental Romcom as t is about late 20's early 30 somethings falling for each other, very enjoyable a "feel good film"

but i cannot wait to go to uni and see the people that i have found a special place for.
and i dont know if to hit them or hug them.

ill get back to you on it.

at this point it is very much hug.
and as quite an obvious streal from this new bloggers profile
http://notsoaliceinwonderland.blogspot.co.uk/

Thank you.

Pageviews today

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Last one for the night

i'm nearly at 1000 views but only 3 followers. i dont know who else is reading this but if you could. post a message. tweet me . its @CaptainBPugwash i want to personnaly thank you.
(if gracie could tweet this out i would be grateful)

Not sure

what that last blog as about it was just a bit of a vague ramble.


But the last three people i mentioned at the end i doubt you'l read this but you have made my 2012 and i cant wait to start at uni again to see you smiling faces and silly grins to know i am in for a bullying of a lifetime.


i love you three. Thank you.

Do you ever?

Look at yourself and think what the hell am i doing?

i am singing Adele with my family having just done a murder mystery night, i'm wearing one of my six onesises (my superman one) and blogging at half 11 at night.

Other then it being pretty awesome  i had a great think about what i look like. and what kind guy i am.

This is not me.

 

thisis Ryan Gosling in the brilliantly entertaining, Stupid Crazy Love.

he is swarve sexy and a player.

 

This is me.

 

 

or this

And this.

 

 

 

Tbh i am most like The character Scott pilgrim when it comes to it.

 

when it comes to girls.

 

When it comes to trying to get my message across.

Or simply becuase of my video game obession.

 

 

In my group i would be the "third Attractive one" of the guys (out of four) and i am a best friend not a boyfriend material. and it is somewhat disheartening but at the same time.

i am one of a group of 4 who are near enough perfect group who i get lucnh with every tuesday

Jess

Vicky

Elliott

Chances are your not reading this but your awesome.



One of the Excommunicated and the Madam.

Said they were going to try and find me someone this year, its a very sweet thought.

and tbh. i think i could do with the help

I'm alone wiyh my thoughts.

And thats when i am most dangerous.

Last night i was texting a certain someone who despie me intially hurting her. Hurt me so much more. i was being my goofy self when i made a joke that i used to make with her and then sat there, and contimplated it.

I then picked up my phone and text her back.
I used to say somthing cheeky or rude then deny ever saying it and add " I didn't say it, I am A good Christian Choir boy.

No. No i am not. i am a cheeky rude innapproriate idiot. I am smarter and more intelligent then I Imply  even to the point where it is obnoxious and annoying.

But i dont act it.

i am more skilled then most builders as i have learnt all these skills since i was 7 years old, but i dont brag about it.

i am funny sweet caring kind and hardworking. i know this because i want to be a "nice guy" i want to be the guy your mum is proud you date.
i want to be the guy who you can rely on, talk to and ultiamtely trust.

Your mum was proud of you for me.
i was your closest friend.
i was the best god dam thing that happend to you.
and your were one of the worst things i have ever done.
And what i am now?
IS FUCKING AWESOME.
and you dont get to see it.
Bad luck.

(i know how twatish this sounds. and how stupid and idiotic this is. but she did a number on me. and I needed to get it out oif my system.)

Today/....

I'm going to be blogging....
Like a Mofo
Watch this space.

I'm taking a piece out...

Of the Wonderful Gracie's book.


I'm going to home tommorrow afternoon to surprise my parents.

YOLO

We are a ragtag group.

i have made a fantastic circle of friends this term at Uni.

We have Jess who is the bones of our group and keeps us motivated in check and in control.

she works hard and cares about what she does and very self-motivated.
She knows what she wants/likse and a little blunt in your apporach but that adds to your charm,

and when she come across something new she become fascinated,

and I love it.

 

We have Dan he wants to be a policeman and has already begun his training to do so, quite relaxed about everything which means he is incredibly solid. he provides a liktee stability and reliabilty in the group. A huge fan of football he is an arsenal fan.
Dont hate on him.

We Have Elliott he loves video games, films, comics, and bondage. when describing him i call him a social anomaly. even more so now then ever. because he has no limit or stopping point. wat least he hasnt found it yet. i host a radio show with him and he is actually one of my closest friends. just scared to bend over in front of him. or around him.

We have Vicky best described as a "vintage" girl but under recent discovery she geeks out to lol-anything and used to be a hardcore enmo kid. awesome. We get on like  a house on fire, and i have gotten drunk with her more times then i wish to count. she has her own blog go look at it.

There are more that fit into our group but these are my wonderfully brillaint tuesday crew.
they rock.

sometimes...

when my train is moving alongside another, i wish someone would hand me a rifle and shouted open fire and an epic fight would ensue. As the two trains race through the stations of london, me and whatever unit i find by my side attempt to wipe out the enemy train.

when i see a man with a long suspicous item i wish id draw my own sword and we battle while music plays.

i see a helicopter and hope it will land to take me somewhere to save the world.

i am a imagination nutjob.


But i amlooking for a hell of an adventure.

am i crazy?
Almost certainly.

on the 17th day of christmas i'm fiannly back on track.

i decided to treat you all well with a bit more of my book.

She peered through the small window of the door at the strange child through her dirty blond hair, she was inexperienced but it was this girl’s aura was damaged and her mind was almost completely consumed by darkness. Yet here she lay in the wards and her master, Flint, was sat about 5 feet away reading through his law book. This text contained all the laws and rules that governed the angels. His bronze hair was flopping over his eyes. He had mentioned that he had met the girl before. He said he was trying to find the source of the darkness he felt and it found him. Mainly because a year ago, she crashed into him in the middle of the street.

 More often than not it’s how he finds the darkness in the world.

She sat down next to him peering over his shoulder hoping to see what he was thinking, “ is there a problem or are you just being a personal space invader?” she leant back pouting, her eyes watching him with a grumpy glare. She was quite a petite girl; her thin arms were a complete contrast to the power she actually possessed. Dressed in what flint referred to as her personal style she wore a combination of colourful t-shirts underneath a blue hooded top. Her short pixie hair was a blond that was dirtied by small pieces of brown. She occasionally wore glasses to her personal disdain but they were required to read through the massive novels she had to refer to in her “studies.”

Flint was her master and as they go he was very open and relaxed. He respected her individuality; she could dress how she liked ate whenever she wanted, practice or study any areas of the laws she wanted him to teach her. The only thing she didn’t control was her name. Her name was given to her by flint, he was her master, he was given his name by his master, and now he gave her the name she would forever go by an old tradition that made up pretty much the entirety of the angel’s rules and laws. She only knew this from her lessons.

She could remember the day he chose to become her master. Before she became an angel she was somewhat adrift, weeks had gone by and she hadn’t felt right, her head was full of fog and she could just recall that there were many men in white coats, they poked and prodded her, they kept telling her parents to be prepared. She never knew what for but her mum would spend hours sat by hair holding back tears, her dad told her over and over again that she has to be strong. The fog got worse every day till she could no longer make sense of what was day and what was night, who were her parents and who were the doctors. Till one moment out of the blue the fog cleared and one figure was stood before her. Flint appeared and told her he needed her to help him. She understood and tried to rise from her bed where she lay and couldn’t move and inch’ Confused she looked at her body and there it lay, drained, tired and empty, but before the  very last of her energy left her body flint appeared by her side and holding her hand. With a smirk he added, “Time to come with me Dakota.“

And that’s how her training began. Taken from the men in the white coats, her first day was sat in her room in the wards, the home of the angels, it wasn’t silent not a sound could be heard, but a hum a energy filled the halls, she sat there for hours just letting the hum consume her. The room was simple yet elegant; the walls where high and completely white, there was a bed in a corner and a desk in the opposite corner that had a marble tablet that consumed the majority of the table top. Both of these objects had he name Dakota engraved into the Solid white wood that they were made from, she had been here for merely hours, but this room had clearly been ready for months. Deep in the thought of where on earth she actually was when Flintys voice came from the large Metal door that she had barely noticed “I think you’ll find Dakota that we are not on earth at all.” He kicked open the heavy door and strode into the room carrying a pile of thick volumes. Dakota’s face dropped, they were huge books bound with thick leather, and a glint of amusement was in his eyes. “You don’t have to read all of these” he chuckled “I’ll give you the brief summary“. He dropped them onto her bed that creaked menacingly, as if it would retaliate towards Flint for his clear unconcern towards it. He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow at the sound of the bed creaking, “that can’t be good”.

Madam.

I dont care that it makesher sound like a pimp its whats she getting, she is a 18 year old woman who is probably the only girlour age who deserves the title of woman. shes mature, sensible, caring and intelligent.
but she is far from dull.

She drinks as much as any northerner i know.
She laughs at god awful jokes
she laughs and makes jokes about the easiet sex joke she can serioulsy i am going to make a blogpost on my 69th one called 69.
(Madam if pregnant girl had a White Bf would 69ing be called Ying yanging?)

she keeps my sane and the closest friend i have made at uni. her dad works on motorcycles, she draws, she works hard and i care for her.

and i dont mean it in the way of she my friend so i care.

i mean it in the i give her a cuddle in the middle of the night cause she woke up with a terror.

(and she had a longterm relationship with a guy who wishes he was Psy)


she isnt boring she is brilliant
and to save the FB convo that will follow here is my responses.

yes you are
no i am right.
no i am right sometimes.
yes i know but!

DAMMIT LET ME BE NICE.
yes your righhhht.

One more before bed

I STILL HAVE NO IEA WHAT I AM DOING

but i am getting into together.


sometimes you find that the hardest thing to do in a day to day life is just to do day to day activities. i have to pay xmas presents collect books for my CW for uni.

i have made some exceptional friends in the last 8 weeks but there is a crew
us simple souls.
Captain Pugwash (me)
Madam Victoria (she has a full length furcoat)
Pvt Jess (her Bf is in the miltary)
PC Dan (doing his police training)
Sexpest Elliott (SP) he's a sexpest.

i am sure they will make their appearaqnces in thsi blog over the time.

SP and  host a radio show together.
PC and me have simialr gaols of becoming a Special policeman
Madam and the Captain are both are housewives
Pvt and me bh have the same work ethics

they are my tuesday lunch crew.
they are Captain Pugwash Greenwich Crew.

god i'm so behind

there is six "hats" in personality traits.

White hat calls for facts figures, the certain the scientific the right.

The Yellow hat looks for optimism and brightness, the benefits is what they look for

The Black hat is logic identified to applying reason and be caustious and conservative

The Red hat signifies feelings fears sadness love dislike. Hate.

The Green hat focuses on possibilities alternatives and new ideas.

The Blue hat is used to manage the thinking process its a control mechanism and observes that the hats are following their nature.

But the  best friendship circles are this six combined.

I tink i am a Blue.
 

iM TWO BLOGS BEHIND!

On the 13th day of christmas he had broken up with his gf the night before, he had not had any sleep, he had no appetie. a scruffy brown-haired teen with glasses speckled with rain entered one of his university buildings, and began his ascent to the top floor.  To his side stood a a slightly shorter skinny friend with blond hair that sits like a loose mop on his head. they ascended while exchanging in mild pointless chatter both hesistant with the excitement of what was to come.

They reached the top floor walked briefly and arrived at an old brown door. the unlocked it and entered the tiny studio donned their headphones and began a 2 hour radio show where they chatted,played music and bored the hell out of their producer.

The show ended, peacfully, the brown hair boy left got a on a bus to a shorthaired girls flat where a christmas party was being thrown, he funded dinner met his asian friend and they proceeded to spend the next 8 hours drinking like fools both aware of what they must face the following morning.

the morning broke, the brown hair boy and his asian companion rose from the semi consicous alcohol fueled slumber and fell onto the first bus to the university.

they entered the building from yesterday ascended the stairs in silence in which they entered the tiny room with the old brown door. hey donned their headphones and created the best morning show the radio statio ever had the good favour of broadcasting.

I am a uni student.
I am the brown haired boy.
and i still have no idea what i am doing.

I need to...

go bust some balls in winchester.

Jurd.

if your reading this i am truely sorry for how it ended, i coudnt lie to you and when you asked me outright what i thoughtwe shoulddo i felt i had to be honest.

your an incredible girl perfect even, but it didnt feel righ and i couldnt let i carry on, thats my problem.

And in terms of thursday you can still talk to me

11th day of xmas

i'm not in a great mood.
BUGGER.
Imy and Grace once again have made my day.

Rant(1)

i have no fucking clue what i am doing, sometimes i find myself in some level of control my work is okay my grades are okay and im not at all concerned, i have my social life sorted i miss so many people. but i'm homesick. i miss how simple things were. i miss eastbourne i miss my old friends and i miss just fooling around in drama because i could.

i got a random phone call from a very old very close friend, we go weeks or even months without speaking but we can meet up after all this time and sit in a train station drink hot choclate and its like no time has passed at all.

she phoned me to tell me that she had slipped and was in A&E (i believe she cracked her wrist).
i felt the world refocus and the balance was restored. because she needed me and i was able to listen and i will always do that for her.

there is a forever stamp somewhere on this friendship. especially as her other bestie is a bit of a tool.

but i need to restore my balance because everything is fine.
but i havent a fucking clue what i am doing in all seriousness

on the 9th day of december

My girl met my dad.
watched Scott Pilgrim

i was thinking earlier on what i was intending to write today but it slipped my mind.
if it comes back to me ill WRITE IT DOWN quickly.

i was thinking about chances and how to take advantage and not to let them go.

The chance of the going to uni under the new system is slim, the importance of the degree and the value would allow you to get more jobs from it.

not many people would let this chance slide.
i am not one of thsoe people.
but i know two who i spend time with that are.
and i know one adjacent through knowledge.

wht are they going to do with their lives.

not going to uni and getting a job is a honourable and respectable choice.
droppin gout or just flat out flunking?
THATS GOD DAM STUPID.

on the 8th day of december...

i managed to do some revision.

there is a member of our "group" who irratates me to no end.

they tell stories to try and shock.
they have no care for uni just for having a uni life.
they critique others for behaivour they exhibit themselves.

i have joined, granted a tiny, uni radio station.

they said to me "No offence but i am NOT going to listen to you."
next breath OH but can i come on and talk about my fundraising?

that is who they are.
they might become an excommunicated.

Well what do you do?

you like sherlock holmes
you like old films
you like drama over comedy
you like dancing
you like me

you smile when you make yourself laugh
you smile when you something makes you laugh.
you smile when you dont know if you should laugh
you smile when you talk about things you care about
you smile when you look at me

What do you do?
you make me smile.
you make me happy
you make me say stupid things.
you make me laugh
you make me quote tarzan.

Another Collins Shindig.

 

 

There will be a video with the extra stuff i filmed.

 

 

But we say goodbye to another Collins as my Aunty Hanna becomes Hanna ____

I refuse to acknowledge cause us Collins Clan are slowly dying out and it was drawn to my attention i am the only and responsible for continuing the name of Collins-Jones.

 

the freaking happy couple.

 

I drank to much

 

I danced to much

i said lots of stupid things

and then danced some more.

(all badly)



 

We entertained ourselves.

 

We Discovered Family Traits.

 

 

Then Drank Some more.

 

 

It was a good night.

Just i hate alcohol.

And my feet.

and my head.

and my dad's best mates and godbrothers snboring.

 

 

Next Time i wasn my OWN DAM ROOM.